This is too Painful
by simplewispersofme
Summary: What if your worst nightmare happened? For Aubrey it did just that, her worst nightmare came true. the life she once had no longer being there being taken away in seconds. and there is nothing that she can do to stop it. This is part of Chaubrey week day six: AU.
1. Aubrey's Story

_**A/N: This fan fiction tells an incredibly sad story, please read it I know most people don't like death related stories especially with their favourite characters but I really do hope you will take the time to read this one. You're warning is here though it does have a trigger warning.  
**_

The hospital was the one place Aubrey hated the most. She had lost her mother a few years back thanks to cancer taking her life. Aubrey had planned to never step a foot in a hospital again. She couldn't even think about a hospital without breaking down inside thinking back to her mom. But she had no choice the love of her life had been brought into the ER mere minutes ago and was rushed into surgery the second she got there.

Aubrey was trying so hard not to break down she didn't know anything yet right? Chloe could be perfectly fine. The surgery might not be too bad they might just have had to check something right? She wasn't a doctor so hadn't any real clue what might be wrong. But this car wreck was worse than she thought. Each passing second another emergency patient was being brought into the ER. And the emergency room was soon being filled with more and more patients injured and needing surgery.

She was standing to the side of the hallway for almost four hours waiting to hear something from a nurse or a doctor. She just wanted to know how Chloe was. The waiting, the overthinking, looking back through her memories. She stopped on one her favourite memories and stood there just thinking about it. Tears deciding to roll down her face, she was slowly starting to break down.

_It was the first day at her new high school it was senior year and she knew no one there. As she was walking round trying to find where her first class was she began feeling completely lost. She was walking with her head up reading everything on the doors hoping that she would find it soon. She didn't notice but as she was walking she bumped into another girl knocking both their stuff to the ground._

_She bend down automatically to grab everything that been dropped as did the other girl. As she looked up seeing the girl in front of her she became mesmerised with her beauty. The most stunning deep crystal blue eyes she had witnessed and the most beautiful curly red hair. All that was running through her mind as she stared intently at this girl was that she wanted to make the girl hers. She wanted to love and cherish this girl making her smile at every given second and she didn't even know her yet. But this was going to change she thought to herself._

_"I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going. I got distracted when I saw you walking down the hall way, you're absolutely gorgeous. I didn't stop walking and I bumped right into you." The other girl says looking into the blondes gorgeous blue and green eyes she had a feeling that those eyes would be even more gorgeous to look into if she were hers._

_"It's okay I'm glad we bumped into each other. I just found the most perfect girl in the world. What's your name?" Aubrey asks responding to her compliment with one of her own._

_"Chloe"_

_"Wow and a gorgeous name too. I'm Aubrey." They both move from the bent over position they were still in and stand holding their books that had fallen in their hands being mere centimetres from each other._

_"Well Aubrey, would you go on a date with me?" Chloe says standing even closer to the blonde so she is breathing on her as she talks._

_"You move quickly. Of course I will go on a date with you Chloe."_

The doctor approached her holding his cap in his hands. A look of sorrow on his face. Aubrey came out of her thoughts so she could focus on talking to him. She needed as many answers as she could get right now.

"How is she? What happened? What did you do? When can I see her? Is she awake? Is she asking for me?" She says these instantly as she saw the doctor not wasting a second more not knowing what is going on.

"There was a lot of internal haemorrhaging and swelling. We have done the best we can to control it. We lost her a couple of times during surgery but have now placed her in a medically induced coma. We do not know right now if she will recover or if she will wake up from the coma ever but we will be checking on her regularly seeing if she makes any progress. The chances as it stands right now are very slim. You are free to go into her room and sit with her. Sometimes talking about things they love helps in recovery." The doctor says hating that he had to give her the bad news this was the area no doctor liked. Giving the loved ones the news that they may never see them again is the hardest thing to do but is an important part of the job.

"So…so...I...I...might lose her? She might never wake up?" The tears falling fast and hard down her face, the shock that the love of her life may not ever be there again. That she might have to live her life without her. These thoughts consume her to the point where she breaks down falling into a ball on the floor in the hospital. She couldn't lose Chloe it's not possible that she could lose her. Why were all the people she loved dying? What had she done wrong to deserve this? Why were they dying they are good people that don't deserve to die? Why now when her and Chloe were planning their future together.

_The two women sit there watching a movie in Aubrey's bed room both relaxing in each other's arms. Chloe not paying any attention to it and is more fascinated with trying to turn Aubrey on. She moves herself from out Aubrey's arms and places herself on top of the blonde straddling her thighs. She starts kissing Aubrey's neck getting moans of enjoyment back from her._

_"Ladies can I have a word?" Aubrey's dad said as he approached her bed room seeing what they were up to. Chloe looks up slightly embarrassed that he caught them. She moves off Aubrey again and sits back on the sofa. Both women staring up at him seeing what he wanted._

_"Dad? What's wrong? Did something happen to mom?" Aubrey says looking at her dad who she could have sworn looked like he had been crying. The concern and worry Aubrey had already showed on her face, Chloe grabs her hand and starts making circles on it keeping her calm._

_"Your-your mom passed on Aubrey. Her doctor phoned me about an hour ago, to inform me that she went in her sleep last night. The cancer was too much for her." He states in a manner of fact tone trying not to show any emotion at all even though it was obvious on his face he was hurting._

_"But...but...she...she was fine yesterday. I was with her all day; she was doing better than before. How? Why did this happen? I...I don't get it. She was okay yesterday." The tears falling down her face so fast and hard there was a puddle forming on her leg. Chloe sits there trying to wipe away the tears but more keep coming._

_"It's okay Bree, it's okay. Shhhhh." She grabs Aubrey into her arms letting her cry all of her sadness away. They all knew this day would come eventually but none of them thought it would be this soon. The rest of that day was a day Aubrey spent mourning the loss of her mother, laying in Chloe's arms crying, shaking and hurting. She hadn't ever lost anyone in her family before and she had hoped she never would._

A nurse walked over to Aubrey with a cup of coffee she handed it to her and gently rubbed her back trying to console her. Aubrey just cradled the cup in her hand not even thinking about drinking it. Her thoughts were purely on how she would cope if she couldn't have Chloe in her life any more.

"Do you want to go see her?" The nurse asks hoping to be able to move her away from the overcrowded ER room.

"Yeah...yeah I want to go sit with her. Can you take me to her?" Aubrey says with tears falling down her face and her words barely forming.

As Aubrey gets to Chloe's room she sees all the wires and machines hooked up to her. "This is all that is keeping her alive" she mutters to herself as she notices that it doesn't look like Chloe anymore. Her liveliness was taken from her and she was left in this state, this lifeless state. She walks round to the side of her where a seat could be found and sits there holding one of Chloe's hands crying even more now she is with her.

"Chloe baby, I don't suppose you can hear me. I just want you to know I love you, I'm here if you wake up, I'm not going anywhere. I miss you already please don't leave me. I have no clue what to do in life if you aren't here with me. You are my everything Chloe Beale. You are the reason I'm alive. Just fight this okay? Please just fight through it and come back to me please."

Aubrey had fallen asleep eventually with her head on Chloe's bed. She had been unaware that the doctors had been in and out of the room checking up on Chloe. She woke up and was confused she had forgotten where she was. When she saw her girlfriend, the love of her life laying there more lifeless than before a tear fell right down her cheek.

"Can we get you anything?" A woman with a trolley of food and drink asks as she enters the room that Chloe was in.

"Umm, no...no thank you." Aubrey says still in a haze from just waking up. The woman walks off shutting the door behind her again.

One of the machines hooked up to Chloe starts making a loud noise one that it hadn't been doing already. Aubrey stood up in a panic she had no clue what this meant at all. Within seconds a huge team of nurses and doctors came rushing in pushing Aubrey out the way. She was standing behind them all trying to see through small gaps what the hell they were doing to her girlfriend but had no luck.

"We're losing her." One of the doctors yells as they try and bring Chloe back.

"You can't lose her bring her back." Aubrey yells at hearing that.

"Get her out of here please nurse." The doctor says not moving to say it. A nurse comes and places her arms round Aubrey to calmly take her out. She sits there on the floor head on her legs crying her eyes out. This was the moment she was dreading losing the love of her life.

It felt like hours had passed since she was removed from Chloe room but in fact it was only minutes. A doctor in fact the same doctor from earlier approached her making her stand up to face him. Within a second of looking at his face Aubrey knew. He stood there in front of her giving her a sympathetic look.

"We did everything we could. The internal damage and swelling to her brain was too much." He says finally speaking up to Aubrey seeing how much pain she is in from this.

"She's...she's gone?" Is all Aubrey comes out with barely being able to function right now at the loss of her girlfriend.

"This can't be happening. This isn't real, you're messing with me right?" She says hoping that this was just a dream and wasn't her reality.

"We're sorry Miss. Posen. This isn't a joke. I wish we had been able to give you better news. We all did the very best we could but the damage was too much." The doctor says not knowing what way to act around the blonde. Everyone takes death in a different way and judging how people will act is impossible.

Aubrey breaks down crying her heart aching. The pain. The worst pain she had ever felt in her life building up more and more. The emptiness that was now inside of her. That numb feeling of a loss. The lack of being able to function and do anything but cry was going through her. The most important person in the world to her had now gone.

She gets brought into Chloe's room one last time before they take her body to the morgue. She stands there leaning over her body, angry, sad, empty and heartbroken. The tears falling onto Chloe's body as her head rests on top of her.

"Why did you have to go Chloe? I wish you didn't go. I wish you were still here with me. I need you." She says through all her tears.

"I love you Chloe Elise Beale. I will love you forever. You are my one, my one and only true love. I will never let you go from my heart. You will always be my everything, you are a part of me Chloe."


	2. Chloe's Story

Chloe notices she is in a hospital unaware how or why she got there. She has confusion on her face. The hospital seems quiet or at least where she is seems quiet. She decides it is best she go and explore what is going on. As she is walking around the quiet area all she notices is that many people were walking around wearing hospital robes.

She looks down at herself to find that she herself is wearing one. As she enters through an already open door she sees fuss and chaos going on a room filled with people lots and lots of people. Some standing there looking over what seemed to be staff working at the hospital. She walks over to a seat that was there sitting empty one of very few empty seats.

"What you been brought in for?" A woman says who seemed to be in her mid-forties who was sitting in a seat next to where she was sitting.

"What? I don't even know how I got here. I was just driving to work and oh my god was I in a car accident? Wait no how can I be here if I was in a car accident? What is going on?" Chloe says lost and confused having literally no idea what was going in right now.

"Calm down sweetie. You're in limbo. It means you are hanging on for your life probably in a coma somewhere in the hospital. What's your name? I can help you find where you're placed." The woman says lightly grabbing Chloe's hand for reassurance.

"I'm Chloe. Um Chloe Beale. So I'm in a coma? Like on machines keeping me alive? My god I need to find Aubrey. I can't leave her like this I just can't. She needs me. Oh god what if she couldn't even come in to see me." Chloe says panic raising all over her body the fears over leaving Aubrey. Just being in a coma would be enough to scare and cause Aubrey to break down.

"Yes everyone you can talk to here is in a coma or living on machines fighting for life. We're all stuck in limbo not here and not there, just waiting for our bodies to give up or fight harder for our souls to come back. We will find where Aubrey is she will be here I'm sure. I bet you she is sitting by your side in your room." The woman says pulling Chloe up with her as they finally start walking to find where Chloe is.

As they approach further to where Chloe's room is she sees Aubrey curled up in a ball on the floor unable to move from where she is. She walks up closer to her wanting so badly to wipe her tears away, not wanting to see the woman she loves crying like this. She stands there millimetres away from Aubrey being too afraid to touch her. A memory she had with Aubrey comes to her mind she just couldn't shift it away.

_"Bree come on are you seriously doing that right now?" She says huffing at her girlfriend who is on her hands and knees in her kitchen cleaning the floor spotless._

_"It's the only thing I can do Chlo. Just let me finish." She says as she scrubs even harder on the floor that was already spotless._

_"Your mom is waiting for you to show up Bree. You can't keep hiding away from her. She loves you and she is sick. You need to get you're sexy ass ready and come with me this time to go see her." Chloe says pleading and using a seductive tone hoping it would convince her to do it this time round._

_"I...I...can't see her like that Chloe. She's sick like really sick what If I go there and she...she dies while I'm there. I...I just can't do it." She says as she puts everything she was using to scrub the floors with down and stands up coming closer to Chloe._

_"Well that is even more reason to go and see her, if this is your last day with her don't you want that to mean something? Don't you want her to know exactly how much she means to you? I know you're scared of losing her babe I know but you have me I will be there the whole time I promise you." Chloe says pulling Aubrey close to her so she is in her arms. She plays with the blonde's hair trying to relax her. She was praying Aubrey would finally be convinced to go. She needed to her mom she didn't have much time left._

_"Fine but only if you hold my hand the whole time in there." She says not sounding convinced it would be worth it. _

_The two of them spent the rest of the day with her mom sitting at the side of her bed talking, gossiping and catching up. Chloe knew that bringing her was the right thing to do. Aubrey had been laughing a lot being back with her mom. The last few months Aubrey's smiles and laughter has been very few, her mom's cancer took a huge till on her and Chloe had noticed._

_"Time to go now ladies" the nurse says as the clock hits 9pm and all family must be gone._

_The girls both go and give Aubrey's mom a hug and say goodbye to her._

_"Chloe can I have a quick word privately?" She asks seeing the two of them had almost left the room. Chloe walks back and sits on the bed close to Aubrey's mom._

_"I'm not going to last much longer. My body is getting tired and I'm struggling to fight it off now. Please take care of my girl, give her every little bit of love you have. Cherish every second you spend with her. Remember every tiny thing she tells you. Life is too precious to let it slip past you. Please don't let her suffer too much after I am gone. I know you are her life, she lights up around you. She is free and relaxed and in love. You are perfect for her Chloe and I want you to both live a long and happy life together." Both women with tears falling down their faces staring into each other's eyes._

Chloe's tears fall down her face remembering the last time she was in this hospital, the last time Aubrey hurt so much. The last time Aubrey lost someone she loved and cared about deeply. She gently placed her hand on Aubrey's back she knew there was no way she would feel it at all but naturally did it when she was sad. She sees a nurse approaching and sees that she walks right through the older woman that was accompanying Chloe.

"We're like ghosts here?" Chloe says tears still down her face.

"Well no we're not ghosts but people in the real world walk through us. We are only soul's just waking round until our bodies do something." She says as a matter of fact. Aubrey and the nurse started to walk away making Chloe follow her instantly she was guessing that this was going to show her where she was.

As they approached her room she saw herself just lying there she didn't look real. Looking down upon her own frail, dead and lifeless body. She moves towards the machines seeing far too many things connected up. She shakes her head in disgusted that they had done that plugged so many things in, she was sure they didn't need that many.

She sees Aubrey talking to her but cannot hear her voice or what she is saying. The tears roll down Chloe's face. Anger starting to build up she just wants to be able to talk to her one last time she wants to say good bye to her.

"Why can I not hear her? Why can I not hear what she is saying to me?" She says so loudly that not only the woman with her in the room could hear but that everyone that was outside could hear too.

"We just can't. We can't hear them and they can't hear us. They can touch our bodies and we can touch theirs but neither of us can feel it. This place is just a waiting room for life Chloe. You could be here for a long time or you could be gone in a second. But the one thing we cannot do is communicate with those still living." She walks over to Chloe's bed and sees her chart is there at the end. She picks it up and reads what is written on it.

"You are in a medically Induced coma. You have severe swelling in your brain and have got a mass amount of internal haemorrhaging. You died three times during surgery and they revived you but put you in the coma as a precaution. Looking at you and reading this I would say you won't have much time left. Stay with Aubrey be by her side, you can still hold her even if she won't feel it. Enjoy your last time you get with her. I'm going to go for a while and leave you two alone. I will come back later tonight to see how you are doing." She says putting the chart back down and gradually walking slowly away.

"Wait what's your name?" Chloe says quickly before she left her.

"Judy" she replies with her back facing Chloe almost out the door.

"Thank you for helping and staying with me Judy." Chloe says as Judy walks out leaving her alone with Aubrey and her lifeless body.

Chloe goes up to Aubrey and sits on the bed in front of where Aubrey was. She was staring at the most beautiful woman in the world for what might be the last time. She placed her hand on top of Aubrey's who was holding her lifeless hand on the bed. She just sat there choosing to do nothing other than grasp every last second in presence to Aubrey.

Gradually Aubrey had fallen asleep although Aubrey was unaware her head was resting on Chloe's lap. Chloe was sitting there playing with Aubrey's hair which was something she always enjoyed doing. She knew Aubrey always relaxed when her hair was being played with, but even though Aubrey couldn't feel it she knew she would still love it.

"I love you Aubrey more than words could ever say. I promised your mom I would love and cherish you, enjoy every second with you and I have. I wish we could have had more, I wish we were being given a lifetime together. It pains me so much to know I will have to leave you too. But please be strong Bree. It will get easier, I will always love you even when I'm no longer here anymore and you are my one and only true love. You completed me and made me a better and stronger person. I hope that life will treat you good after I am gone. Please don't shut others out let them in. Let them heal you and mend your wounds like I always do. I hope you will carry me in your heart forever and look back at all the memories we shared, and I hope they will make you smile. I hope you will always cherish the time we have been given. I know we didn't get our dream to be married and have kids. But we had each other we will always have each other with us. You will always be a part of me Bree, forever. I love you so much. I wish I didn't have to go so soon, I wish I could come back and be with you." Tears falling down her face she didn't notice that Judy had returned and was standing in the door way smiling and watching her.

A woman with a food cart comes into the room waking Aubrey up. As soon as Aubrey turned her down from the offer of anything to drink the tears start rolling down Aubrey's face making Chloe's heart hurt. She could feel real pain in her heart it was physically hurting her. A loud alarm noise went off she got off the bed and walked over to Judy. A massive group of doctors and nurses rush through walking right through the two of them.

"What is going on?" She says turning to Judy confused why she was in pain, why they had all come running in.

"You're getting worse" was all Judy says in response.

A nurse walks through with Aubrey taking her to the hall way, Chloe follows being more concerned with Aubrey than her own condition. She goes and perches next to Aubrey holding her tightly not wanting to let go of her.

"Don't cry baby, I'm right here. I'm right here. I love you."

That was it a huge pull came and grabbed Chloe taking her away from her body, her life and her love. Her soul had been moved on from limbo and that was it. Her short life taken away from her, the dreams, the plans she had no longer being a possibility for her. There was no her left.


	3. The Closure

Aubrey wasn't the same person she used to be after Chloe's death. Everything in her life was empty. Everything she did or thought to do made her angry. She had spent a month without her. The worst month of her life. She was crumpled in a pile not moving, being just as lifeless as Chloe was before she died.

Each day Aubrey would look at a photo of her and Chloe one that was her favourite the pain in her heart growing that much more. The loss of Chloe hadn't been expected, she hasn't got to say goodbye, Chloe never got to hear her last words, she didn't tell her she loved her. She didn't get her dreams.

Aubrey hadn't been able to bring herself to be able to do anything she used to do. Her life was aimless and pointless since Chloe had left. She would wake up every day and know there was no point. She would just put herself back in her bed and stay there hoping this was all a sickening dream. One that maybe could bring Chloe back to her.

Her phone started ringing but as always Aubrey didn't bother getting up to answer it. She left it for voicemail thinking it was just going to be yet another person ringing to apologise for her loss. Or someone asking her to go out somewhere with them neither of which she wanted. She hated people being sympathetic it made her feel weak and even more angry than she had already felt.

"Hello is this the Posen-Beale residence? My name is Mandy I'm with Rainbows and Hearts foster and adoption agency. We have been reviewing your application and have a possible chance for you two to become parents. Please ring me back on this number as soon as you get a chance." The beeping went off and the call ended.

Aubrey just laid there on the bed angry and numb. She had no interest in having children now. It originally took Chloe months to convince her to fill in the application form. Chloe just wanted a chance.

_"Bree please I have always wanted children. This is saving a child's life in the process. These children might not get a family if we don't take them. Please all I'm asking is to fill in the application. We probably won't get a call back anyway so what's the harm? But at least we can say we tried. I want this more than anything else in the world. Please just fill it in for me." Chloe said pleading and begging pulling on Aubrey's shirt wafting the form in front of her like a child._

"_But I don't want children Chlo, I never have. What happens if we get the call and we have to start having the children I'm not ready for that yet. If I ever will be ready for it. This is your dream Chloe it's not mine." Aubrey says grabbing the paper out of Chloe's hand and placing it on the table in front of her. _

"_Please Bree just fill it out. If we get the call we will talk about it first we don't have to say yes right the way. Please it's not set in stone just by you filling in the paper work. They have to review us as candidates before they decide if they choose us or not. This doesn't change our future together; it just opens up a new window for us. Please take this step with me, please just fill it in." She says handing her a pen pleading ore now than ever to get her to fill it in._

_Aubrey decides from that to take the pen she sits there for an hour reading everything and filling in the form. She still didn't feel happy doing this but was making Chloe's face light up. Her plan since she first laid eyes on her was to make her smile every second of every day no matter what and that was just what she was doing._

The memory of filling in the application form the pleading she had been given from her girlfriend. The pleading never ended until the day she caved in and filled it in. Chloe's desperation to become a mother was massive it had always been her biggest dream but was one Aubrey never shared. These dreams had been taken away from her from a drunken lunatic at 10am in the morning of June 17th. That day was ingrained into Aubrey's memory as the worst day in her life.

She decided to get out of bed but to find herself sitting in a pile of Chloe's clothes that were still lying around on the closet floor. Chloe was never one to clean up after herself and Aubrey would normally go crazy at the mess. However now the mess just makes her cry, thinking back to Chloe just throwing clean and dirty clothes together in a heap on the floor. She never thought of cleaning up the mess she had left after Chloe had passed, the entire house was just left how it was back on June 17th the only difference was now Chloe was gone.

She had been sitting in the closet for what must have been hours. Her pain increasing with every thought, memory and smell she had of her girlfriend. She wasn't prepared to have lost her; she couldn't comprehend the reason behind why she had been taken from her. She didn't want to go on feeling like this, but knew no life would work without Chloe there.

She stood up from the floor and walked calmly and slowly into the bathroom she started to run water to make a deep bath. She thought she would set it up just like she always did and placed candles all around the end of it.

She went into her kitchen and found a bottle of red wine one that they hadn't already opened. She pulled the top off it. She gets a glass down from the cabinet just above her and slowly starts poring loads of wine into the glass filling it up.

She walks back to the bathroom and sees her bath had now been filled enough for her to get into it. She places her glass down right next to the bath; reaches into a cabinet next to the bath and pulls out something she places this next to her glass. Tears start falling down her eyes the pain in her heart erupting, she slowly takes off her clothes and steps into the bath.

She just lay there for a few minutes crying thinking to herself about Chloe. She looks up and sees a picture on a table not too far away. She just stares at it looking into those gorgeous blue eyes, the eyes she missed staring into every day. She reaches her hand down and grabs the tub that was on the floor, pouring the entire content into her hand. She throws the rest of the tub into her bath not caring about it at all about the packing. She holds her glass of wine in her other hand and looks right at the photo one last time.

"I love you Chloe. I can't be without you. I'm coming to be with you so we can be together again. I miss you."

She puts her hand to her mouth and pours every single pill into her mouth. Shortly after they have all gone down she downs her entire glass of wine. Just waiting for them to kick into action. Her body soon becomes lifeless, just an empty shell lying dead in the bath. The pain and sadness of her being all alone without the one person in the world that loved her. It was too much for her to take, it consumed her whole being making her see no point to her life. She didn't want to take it any longer so she found her way out. Her way to join the love of her life once more.


End file.
